*****
a certain silence
attends the yard
the birds, knowing
what they know,
have ceased
their morning song,
even the trees
are still.
****
©2013 Wabi Sabi Â
For Poets United ‘verse first -edit to elevate’
Writing compellingly using only a few words, is always a challenge. Turning it into poetry is a miracle. Â William Carlos Williams did it with The Red Wheelbarrow, a poem I attempted to emulate. Â Comments/Critique??
Advertisements
Best thing I have read today, kiddo. OMG. You totally nailed the prompt. I may have to totally re-think my pudding poem! This is just so good – the birds, “knowing what they know”……it is a terrific hook, makes me want to know who, what, why, when? The four greats of journalism!!!!!!
LikeLike
Wow. I have to second Sherry. I especially like the ending.
LikeLike
So simple, clear, and direct. I know this moment, and feel it in your words.
Elizabeth
http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/2013/08/14/rain-wishing/
LikeLike
i do like this. The simpleness of it along with the fact that I can imagine myself being there is wonderful. It has me wondering…is there a storm coming -perhaps a neighbor’s cat.
LikeLike
Loved the last line. Makes me think of the calm before the storm.
LikeLike
I feel a storm about to break–this would be a great opening for a thriller. It’s gorgeous! The line “even the trees” gave me pause: Did you want a shock of recognition or a note of humor? The stillness of trees is a cessation of movement you make a degree sharper than cessation of song. How interesting! Formally, I love the general decrease of syllables-except for one line–leading to a still end. My only question is what does the word “certain” do for you? ….
LikeLike
Thank you so much for commenting on this poem. My intent was to capture, not the calm before a storm, but the palpable stillness that I notice every summer during the second week in August (mid-summer) For me, it feels like the earth(at least in the temperate zone where I live) pauses between the growing and the dying. The word ‘certain’, I hoped, would suggest both the uniqueness of the silence and the certainty that it comes every year(like the certainty of autumn following summer or the certainty of death.) This moment always comes on a perfect summer day.
________________________________
LikeLike
The silence before a storm? I’m sad I missed the birds cuz we weren’t filling the feeders. Although somehow the seed all disappeared before my afternoon stroll to the garden. Lovely day today.
LikeLike
Very nice. 🙂 I too felt the silence before the storm in this piece of writing.
LikeLike
Intriguing! What do the birds know that we don’t? 🙂
LikeLike
I’m only guessing they know since they stop singing! After the planting, seeding, growing,flowering, setting more seed, giving birth, nurturing and fledging of the spring and summer there comes a pause…………… just before the dying begins. Here it happens at mid-summer (around August 10)
________________________________
LikeLike
beautifully done 🙂
LikeLike
Neat and crisp composition, wabi sabi. In just a few words….you pinned silence so accurately. Lovely!
LikeLike
…you set the tone so well as if i was reading a set of haikus… really engaging…. i think the whole piece rather ominous… a premonition like scene among the birds…. indeed, perfect for the prompt… loved this… smiles…
LikeLike
Simply profound!
LikeLike
Really really adored this poem. It’s so peaceful and flowing. 🙂
LikeLike