****
It was your hazel eyes that anchored me to that day, eyes grown so large in your ruined body, pleading , begging me to leave the mask off your face, you were dying and you knew it, even as we denied it, burying that terrible truth in small talk of train schedules and plans for tomorrow’s trip back to sit at your side, when tomorrow was right there in your eyes. You begged for this bit of control, knowing that the oxygen was useless where you were going wanting those last few hours mask-free, Please leave it off, you whispered, your eyes widening into gigantic pools of grief, breaking my broken heart. * The doctors never told us you were dying, maybe I should have known, all the usual signs were there, and especially telling, the nurses wouldn’t look me in the eye. * Putting the mask back on your sad face was the right thing for them to do, but your daughter who can still see your hazel eyes whenever I look in the mirror could have (should have) let you do it your way. **** Yesterday morning I read this poem here: ‘Life’s A Bitch’ written by Viv Blake and posted on her blog. It greatly moved me and prompted me to write about my own father’s last hours, something I’ve never been able to do. If I knew then what I know now, I would have let him call the shots.
wabi sabi ~~~ poems and images 
I am so moved by this poem. I can feel the grief and love in your words. So well done.
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this is such a great write! There’s emotion fair tumbling off the screen as I read. Really well done on this one.
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I’m so glad to have given you the impetus to write this deeply felt poem. I hope this will help disperse any guilt you may have felt, and allow you to look past the death to the life that you had shared.
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This is so touching … do take care !!!
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Wabi, Thanks so much for weaving grief into such lovely and telling words. I am both touched and saddened.
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Oh dear this is so meaningful and pertinent today for me. it is 20 years today since my father died. I miss him still. Bless you for posting this x
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A beautiful and heartbreaking poem,,,
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WoW !
Thank you for sharing this wonderful expression of your love for your father.
It is my personal belief that parents do the best they can, on any given day, with the information and experience they have. I believe children do the same. By sharing this, I also believe that you will have helped other adults with decisions they have to make in similar instances.
Thank you for sharing this heart felt poem … I’m hoping that memories of happier times spent together with give you peace of heart and soul.
Thank you again…Peace and love,
Siggi in Downeast Maine
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The 21st was the 5 yr anniversary of my dad passing — this hits home … the conflict between their thoughts and knowing direction and ours — not wanting them to give up and leave. I can certainly understand why you may not have been able to write it sooner, but I hope it helps the healing continue. Nicely done!!
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Oh my, this is wonderful. I’m sense that if your Father could read this, he’d thank you for the extra time he had with you and be apologetic for putting you through such torment.
But then you’ve used it to create such heartfelt art…so the world is a better place for it all.
Thank you 🙂
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Oh Wabi, this is so heartfelt and moving, beautifully written. If only I had known that my father was dying I would have spent more time with him. He still lies unburied in the morgue, waiting for tradition to dictate.
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Oh my! That must be so difficult for you not to have the comfort of closure. When did he pass and what is the tradition that prevents burial? I think we all have regrets about the time we didn’t spend with our loved ones. I try to focus on the times I was there, remembering the good times.Peace to you, Celestine. And thanks for your visits to my poetry.
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You are very welcome, Wabi. M yfather died on 16th November 2012. He was a chief and tradition demands that he be kept for a while before the official announcement of the death. After that, there will be a one week celebration of death in his memory and then the burial and funeral dates will be announced. That could be now or never and you can imagine the morgue fees and other expenses that would be accumulated.
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This is very moving, and brings back so many memories.
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Emotions well-up within me…I’m so glad that Viv’s piece brought you to this place. I pray for healing for you…that the things you wished had been that weren’t that it’s okay and that somehow he knows. ♥
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This poem takes my breath away. You have captured the difficult moments so well. I do understand his need for control those last moments. There were, after all, so little he could control. He knew…really…he knew. And I do understand him not wanting that oxygen mask…and I understand why this memory haunts you. I feel so much in this poem. I know it must have been hard (but hopefully catharctic) to write! Peace.
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Very touching poem, I think for some that have gone through this you will always wonder what if or did you do the right thing. It’s only human nature we second guess our decisions after they are made but we have to live with it and accept the choice we made.
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Moving words from the heart. Beautiful.
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This is so moving. Wow. …’when tomorrow was right there in your eyes’….fantastically told.
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Wow. Very sad, yet reflective. Written/told wonderfully.
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Oh you wrote this from your heart and sent it straight into ours. You have captured the end hours of a life so well, including how people dont talk about it, and avoid your glance…….the main thing is – you were there, with him. That was what meant the most to him. Powerful writing, that moves the reader. The very best kind of poem.
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You write so clearly of one of the hardest experiences many of us live through. Thank you for being inspired to do just that. This is a healing poem in so many ways, and speaks to so many hearts and minds,
Elizabeth
http://1sojournal.wordpress.com/2008/11/07/one-of-those-days/
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This is the eulogy I wrote for my Mother. The last conversation, mentioned in the poem, took place only a few hours before she passed away.
http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/2010/05/12/eulogy-for-mom/
Elizabeth
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And you tackled the task with grace, dignity and respect. This is one of most touching elegies I have read in a very long time.
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My father passed suddenly over 30 yrs ago on Jan 21st. It still haunts me…
I have often thought, what it would be like to say good-bye?!
Thank you for this touching poem, it is sad and filled with the wonder of how we confront this path…! There is grace in your poem and the guidance to be more open for the next encounter~ Thank you for sharing!
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You brought tears to my eyes. Wow. That was so touching. Thanks for sharing, indeed!
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This is easily one of the most affecting, effective poems I’ve read in a long time. Art often fails to capture this kind of clear emotion.
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WaibiSaibi,
A most profound and moving poem. It had the sense of great love, in the face of having to let go. Moments of realisation which we all face, before and after such a loss.
Thank you for being so courageous and putting this into words.
Eileen
Thank you for your much appreciated visit and comments at my poem too:)
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Very moving poem, I am touched by the personal share ~ I think we learn and die a little bit or more when someone dear to us leaves away for good ~ Thanks for sharing ~
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